The Kingdom

My family went out to dinner tonight. My brother was itching to go to this Italian restaurant, "Vapiano" at one of the local malls. A friend of his told him how much he liked it so yesterday when my dad suggested we go out, he anxiously spoke up.

Leaving the compound and going into the city, is always an adventure. I scramble through the hanging black abayas grabbing the closest one. In a rush to leave, I uncomfortably realize the one I grabbed was a bit too small, and a bit too short. By small I mean it is almost fitted. By short, I mean, it's showing 2 inches above my ankles--manageable, but not the best idea. Lots of people will stare. Its long sleeves and long front, cover from my shoulders to.. well, almost the ground, enables me (when it fits right) to essentially wear whatever I want (even my pjs) underneath and nobody will know! But because I'm wearing shorts underneath and don't have time to change, I just get into the car accepting that if I play it cool and confident, maybe nobody will notice my "bare" legs.

My dad gets in the driver seat, my mom in the passenger, and my brother and I are in the back. It's against the law for women to drive outside of the compound, which actually I'm grateful for because I wouldn't be surprised if Saudi was voted the #1 country of worse drivers in the world. But then again, I haven't been to every country, so I don't know. Driving on the shoulder, honking at red lights so they will change quicker, 6 lanes of traffic when there are actually 3 painted on the road, is quite common. In the 10 years my family has lived here, I've never seen a cross walk outside of the compound. To my own understanding, I'm pretty sure they don't exist. Cops don't pull people over for fear that they will pull over the 'wrong' Saudi (one that is too politically high in the royal family), thus getting fired. It's crazy, but the driving scene makes for a great adventure!

Before going to the restaurant, we stop at an office store so my mom can buy permanent markers. My brother and I are anxious, because it's almost prayer time; we know that if we aren't quick enough, not only will we be kicked out of the store, but we won't be admitted into the restaurant until after prayer is over, and we were so hungry!

The malls in the middle east are so big. I just measured the one we went to on google earth, it's half a mile from one point to another, but it feels so much bigger than that. I've never been around the entire thing since they built it 6 years ago, because they keep adding to it! One of my favorite things about walking around though, is seeing all the cute Saudi families. Husbands and wives together, sometimes with their children; or the groups of women in their abayas (they cover their heads and faces though) as they hold up short halter-topped or sleeveless dresses of different sizes and colors that they can wear with their girlfriends, to their all-girl parties.

As we approach the restaurant, we realize we are too late. 'Salat' or prayer has already started, but I was so grateful that the filipino waiters still let us come inside. We took a seat and for the next 20-30 min talked and watched the outside world while we waited for prayer to finish. Through the tinted windows you could see the heavy traffic outside, the glamorous flashing colored lights of the mall, and groups of saudi teenage boys dressed in their European style clothes walk by.

When we were done eating, and were walking back outside to the car, I turned and looked at the moon. Becuase of Saudi weather and the amount of sand/dust particles in the air, your perception of the sky is very different here. First, the moon has a yellow tint to it, and second, the sky is never blue; always grey. The temp tower said it was 37 degrees Celcius, but it felt so much cooler.

As I look back on the typical experience into the city, as I always do after a visit, I wonder every time how much time I have left.  I realize how much I love the culture here, the ironies, and the friendliness of Arabs. Even if I only have a few visits left, I'm glad I have my memories and my stories of the things that I have learned here.

Love is a Choice

For the past year I've been thinking about something that, I think I'm starting to understand...

CS Lewis wrote a book called, "The Four Loves." (It's a short book, and would recommend it to anyone.) Anyway, in the book he says something about how God loves us because he just does. He doesn't love us for a reason, he just loves.... which at the time was an incomplete thought.

Despite what we are taught, I would think, "how can He love me?" He is perfect. I am no where near perfection, and cannot even hope to obtain it in this lifetime. I can only strive to be a better person than I was yesterday. God is not a respector of persons; He is thorough. He is whole. He loves ONLY good. Yet, He loves me. I'm not always good... even when I don't know I'm transgressing.

So, in my sins and transgressions, my weaknesses and faults; when I disobey His will.... how is it possible for Him to love me? The idea didn't make sense to me, and it was hard for me to accept because there was some thing missing. I felt that a perfect being could not love an imperfect being. A clean person cannot live in dirty house, they'd go mad. An honest person can't live in a cave of thieves...etc.

But recently through some experiences I've had, I realize that if I really sat down and thought about why I loved someone (for example: my brother, James) I ask, 'Why do I love him?' Not because he sees the good in people, or because he's adventurous, or because he has the conviction to do good things, but I love my brother because I want to---I'm choosing to love him, just because. And that's when it clicked :)

God loves us, not because some of us are beautiful, or because someone of us give humanitarian aid, or because some of us go out of our way to do something nice for someone. He Loves us because he wants to, He chooses to Love us, because he chooses to Love us.

Furthermore, like I said earlier, God is not a respector of persons. He loves every single one of us, the same amount--(unconditionally!) But He can't love two people the same amount when one person gives money to the poor, and the other person doesn't. That would be unjust! He would cease to be God.

Therefore, I know that God loves us, not for any beautiful reason, or for any reason that we tell ourselves is why God loves us, but because He chooses to love us. That is the ONLY reason that He loves us, and that is what makes Him perfect... because of His perfect love. It has nothing to do with OUR weaknesses.

The greatest form of flattery, is imitation. So I think to myself, how can I even begin to love like God does? I guess in my quest, it will be by choosing to love others... just because.