"I Won't Give Up" & The Symbolism of the Stars.

The night sky is a big deal to me.

When I was a child, my dad used to take us kids out into this field by our house to point out constellations, and tell Polynesian stories of the stars to us. Sometimes, we'd just sit in silence and stare upward; stare heavenly. But I always associate the night sky with two things I love most: My Father, and Brighton Camp.

When I was a program director at Brighton camp in the summer of 2010, I had an experience with the stars that I ended up sharing with my staff the following year, as a Director.. which sometimes they will still remind me of and I too think on when I'm having a hard time.

Because Brighton is situated at the very utmost top part of Big Cottonwood Canyon, anyone who is up there after sunset will know how extremely dark it can get. In fact, its kind of scary without a flashlight. But the blessing with that, is that you can see the stars—and I mean, really see all of them. The milky way is so obviously white as it streaks across the sky. There are stars on the horizon of the mountains that you wouldn’t have even guessed existed. They all come with their own unique brightness and dimness depending on their size or proximity to the earth. Its awe-inspiring image is even mouth dropping. For me, the most beautiful thing of all about this magnificent art piece looming above your head (including the great symbolism the stars have in dealing with self-worth and infinite potential), are the shooting stars.

There’s so many of them. It kind of excites the soul to see them dance across the sky, especially when you’re surrounded by people you have a deep love for, in a peaceful mountain place like Brighton.    

But my analogy was this: If you think about where Brighton is located, at the very top of a canyon, and literally maybe (at most) 40 people outside of the camp who are probably inside their homes… there is hardly anyone else looking up at the sky at the same time you may be looking up at the sky. There were nights even when I would steal away from the activities of camp, when I knew everyone was hustling around, and just look up for the joy of taking in that sight. I knew there were moments when I was the only person looking up at that sky, and if I saw a shooting star.. I decided that God shot it for me; just because he is omnibenevolent. 

Jason Mraz sings a song called, "I Won't Give Up". Although it has more of a romantic feel to it, today I took it in a different sense. In all actuality, I haven't heard or listened to the song in a few weeks, and today (the day of my genetics exam), I woke up with the song in my head. Ironic? I choose rather to believe that it was a tender mercy. 

I love it because he talks a lot about learning, progression, and potential.. while all managing to relate it to the stars.. and this is what the stars mean to me. It may be cheesy, but they are symbolic in this way. 

The truth is.. I didn't want to take my Genetics exam. In fact, I've even been struggling the last few weeks to find a desire to even study for or do anything for this class.. because of my emotional attachment to it. I know that if I don't do well.. I won't have the time to retake it before I need to graduate, and that's a HUGE deal because it will indefinitely hinder my ability to live my dream of being a biology teacher. This class scares me.. because of the great potential it has to hurt me and keep me from doing what I want with my life. Therefore, my fear has turned into apathy.

 It's always easier to force yourself to not care then it is to be hurt by failure... but that doesn't mean its the right thing to do. In fact, over the past few months I've slowly been learning its always better to try and actually feel some sort of emotion (even if its painful) than to not try, and feel nothing. Without emotion, you have no purpose. You're as dry as a blade of grass in a summer drought. 

Anyways, that was a side note, im getting distracted haha. But I just wanted to share this song, because it is all about getting back on track after that drought in your life is over. To me, it is about trying for the sake of trying.. not because you're going to necessarily always get something good from trying--but because the effort is worth it, no matter the consequence.

As I walked across campus today listening to this song, a sense of purpose did come over me. Maybe you can see some meaning in his lyrics: 

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

 "For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am"

And the truth is, sometimes you will need to go through hard times just so you can know that you didn't break, you didn't burn and the world didn't cave in. You need to learn to be grateful for what you have, and in humility what you lack and just aren't.. but that's okay. It teaches you who you are.. and what you can become. Sometimes in your life you're going to live through moments that will burn, but 'even the stars.. they burn' ...and look how loved they are.. look how magnificent and powerful they are. 

How old is your soul? You don't even know. You don't even know what kinds of wonderful things you did before you were born; who you influenced, or what you accomplished. So why not now? And the most beautiful part of this whole song.. is that God knows your worth it. Yes, God.. the greatest of all.. knows that YOU are worth the trial, and the learning. 

Anyways, I just wanted to share these thoughts.. I know this post is a little longer than usual but if you've gotten this far, then great! 

The stars symbolize so much to me, and in return I wanted to share to the world that with all of the hard things going on in your life.. the painful things, or even (like in my case) the desire to try to avoid emotion for fear of pain... it's okay; and it will be. You just have to try. 

 "God knows you're worth it."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0&ob=av2e